My booty from Convergence 2012

I didn't get to attend Convergence but since it was in Long Beach I had to go!  Robert was sweet and tolerated me and a little shopping.   Now what to make? hmmm...

The garden of dance, flowers, food and yarn

It may seem like I'm not dancing much right now and publicly I'm not. I'm working hard on creating new material & choreography and my students and troupe mates are seeing bit by bit. I think I really needed a break to feel like there was more to life than belly dance. The last few months have been some of the hardest in my life, from nursing my mother, and simultaneously producing, choreographing, & performing in a show to teaching my classes and performing the last official gigs with She'enedra...there I said it the last official gigs (no gasps please) it's not a big deal we are all just ready for new things we had an amazing 5 year run or was it 6? Then there were my lovely guests from Scotland, the May Day party, Tribal Fest at which we danced the preparty, the festival & the Saturday night afterparty.

It's time to breathe! Last Sunday I sat at my spinning wheel for hours and finished off some lovely yarns and started new ones! I've dyed more wool and am going to ply it with this bobbin you see here...


I've had some time to cry and be alone, heard doors shut quietly in my house when I was alone and smelled my mother's perfume. Is she here? I think sometimes....I'm mourning and rejoicing in life at the same time. It's all ok. I've worked in my garden a lot too and am announcing show and tell!

On a more serious note

While in Scotland I had an interesting conversation with a friend. He found it odd that Americans always say, "I'm Scottish" or "I'm Dutch" when they are Americans. I've heard this comment before from European friends, and from my perspective the answer is that unless our ancestory is native to the Americas we don't really feel right saying we are American. Many of us suffer from many generations' feeling of loss of a homeland, so we identify very strongly with our ethnic heritage. Many of our ancestors didn't necessarily move to America willingly but because it was the only place we had a chance to make a life. I'm sure I could go on for days on this subject and never really get to what I really want to say in this blog.

I feel that way a lot -disconnected from my heritage. Not only because I don't live in my ancestoral homeland but because I sort of don't have one. My great grandfathers left the Netherlands to find their fortunes in the then Dutch East Indies, now known as Indonesia. They intermarried and after a few generations of dominating in those islands were forced to return to the Netherlands...where they didn't really fit in any more. No longer looking like the Dutch, although much of their identity was Dutch. So there you have it. My parents returned to NL and had me there. In the land of tall blondes! haha!

Meandering still....ahh is why I blog?

Fast forward to myself years later as a young adult the first time I saw looms and spinning wheels! They were the most fascinating things I had ever seen! Making yarn, & fabric, then knitting & sewing were such satisfying activities to me and felt so natural they must be stem from some kind of genetic memory. And this belief must be a fairly common one because many people have asked me, " Is this something from your culture?" Looking at me scrutinizing what my heritage might be...I could almost see them thinking "she looks Native American, maybe that's why she weaves." And the questions would follow; "Are you an Indian?" I have to admit that since most of the other women I would meet who were interested in fibers were women of white European heritage, I wondered the same of them. Is it some connection to their ancestors? And then I would think how do I fit in this puzzle? Even though the Dutch and really all humans throughout history have also practiced the skills of making cloth. I am learning more about the rich heritage of fiber arts in Indonesia. The fabric in this photo is one of my prized possessions, a sarong that belonged to my grandmother that my mother was about to discard! It is pre-WWII and very delicate. The batik process is still practiced today in Indonesia, as are many other amazing fiber arts of spinning & weaving. I found this interesting website www.thelanguageofcloth.com/ with very interesting photos. I'm also reading a beautiful book Indonesian Textiles by Michael Hitchcock.

So fiber art truly is my heritage and my connection to my homelands.