Wednesday, February 25, 2009

things I probably shouldn't blog about

It seems ridiculous to state the obvious and say life is unpredictable, but well, it is. 10 days ago my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and we were told she needed hospice care. I had one day to clean out my studio to make room for her hospital bed and equipment. I canceled 3 shows last week, Gigi taught my Monday class.
I feel like the layers between my outer and inner self are so thin right now and because of it I cry at the drop of a hat. Some days are really good, my mom seems almost normal can walk and do things, and I think maybe they were wrong! But the last two days she's been sleeping almost all the time, she's hardly eaten and she speaks very softly.
I also just don't have a lot of patience for anything else that goes wrong. I'm grateful I have some really good friends who will protect me and take care of me or things I should be doing, like Heidi & Ayse & Sada. My husband Robert, my kids are the BEST kids in the world, my daughter in law. My dog is with me all the time. Love is good, I know this is a gift to witness this for someone. I know all the other work I have to do will fall together. I'm grateful that Tonantzin will understudy me in Mythical Creatures in case I can't dance. That Donavon calls me sometimes and says funny things. I'm also grateful when I'm shown how insensitive and selfish some people can be, I feel sorry for them and know I don't need or want them in my life any more and it's ok.
No one reads my blog so it doesn't matter if I say this anyway!