I haven't wanted to blog about my life the last month or so because basically I didn't want a million people trying to figure out what to say to me because I had my mom at home doing a hospice program.
Now our house is really a home where a family has lived all phases of life now. We've had children born, children climbing trees, digging a hole to China, loud punk bands, pets live their whole lives and now we've had a dear elder transition to the great unknown all under one roof.
Most of the moments of the last 2 months I can't speak about, they come out in little bits here and there. But many of my thoughts about those moments will fade and blow away and I think that is fine.
Appropriately enough at the same time Robert has finally after 7 years had to deal with his mother's belongings, her fabulous paintings are being brought in. A woman who started out taking art lessons from Diego Rivera as a small child (can you imagine?) and ended up becoming an incredible painter! I'm happy for him, he's having closure over his mom now.
I'm just starting...when my mother was ill, I started working hard in the garden. It was a healing place for my mind and all the frenetic energy that I was feeling. Being in the last stages of preparation for Mythical Creatures, was an interesting challenge. I certainly learned about my limits as a human being. I cleaned out my sewing studio and moved most of my things into storage, kept the sewing machine, a box of immediate projects, the BIG loom, and the spinning wheels in the house. I called Ayse and gave her ALL the paperwork and business for Mythical Creatures, and she totally stepped up to the plate in my place as business manager. Khani, Christina and Leilani took on a lot of the work too. I did the bare minimum for my students and troupes...had a few breakdowns...had a few fights (very painful I advise you to avoid these!)...was shocked to learn that one of the troupes was having drama, don't ask me why I should be shocked, isn't it part of the process?...
I know I am blessed with friends and family. My children ALL (yes all 4) came home and stayed for quite a while. One pitched a tent in the backyard...the front of our house looks like a used car lot (anyone want Oma's broken down Oldsmobile?).
My mom passed away 4 days before Mythical Creatures, we had a day of crying and sitting around and then I put my producer/choreographer/performer hat on and went to work. It was kind of weird. But the show was fabulous, we had a couple of small glitches but otherwise everything ran very smoothly. It makes me think we are not too bad as a production team...Ayse, Khani & me.
It was pretty hard to settle down after a show like that being fully pumped with adrenaline. But the Monday after we picked up Jared, Jade, & Christopher at the airport on our way down to Oceanside for the funeral. J,J, & C all went back up north, I took some time off of teaching Monday nights, but still have Saturday class & practice for Gigi's hafla.
All along I've worked in the garden whenever possible. The quiet and the feeling of accomplishment has been very healing to me.
Christina and Tonantzin organized a tea/pool party last Sunday which was really pleasant. I'm glad we didn't spend a lot of time talking about sad things...we all just enjoyed each other's company.
Then Robert got a job which is great but it ruined our plans for taking a BIG trip to Hawaii to celebrate our anniversary (I feel kind of unhappy about this).
So we decided to go to the Edison and have an impromptu anniversary party w/ friends and family...it was great...watch out for the absinthe, it tastes like licorice, it doesn't feel like liquor, you have a really fun time, and then I got nauseated(maybe it doesn't affect everyone that way).
We still have to put mom's ashes in the cemetary next week. I'm going to be sad for quite a while I suppose. Since I never really lived with her on a daily basis, I often forget she is not around any more. It's those moments when she crosses my mind and I think "I should call my mom" that I remember and I miss her.
Now we are painting eggs, it's appropriate the ultimate symbol of birth, death, rebirth...
Anyway...that's what's been up w/ me!
Come by and I'll fix you lunch and tea!
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